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Hair loss

 We were advised before chemo that hair loss was likely. Secretly we thought that because it's been so long since the chemo was given we may have escaped this particular side effect.

It is something we've talked about, the idea of it can take a little getting used to. Tony's always said it didn't really bother him if it fell out, because he doesn't have to look at it!

It's something I hoped didn't happen.  I know how that sounds. Hang on, i'm not being judgey allow me a sec to explain. I don't care what Tony does to his hair, clothes, it's irrelevant. I was scared of him looking ill, gaunt. That probably sounds really shallow, but it's true.

Tony came into our bedroom from the bathroom this morning with a clump of hair is his hand. Clump sounds dramatic, I can't think of a better word though. 10 strands or so. I hugged him and cried fo a moment. He explained it was happening all over his head and he was certain it was falling out and not thinning. 

We spoke a little about what to do next. Do we leave it and just see what happens? Or.......?

It felt like quite a quiet and somber morning in our house.

It's almost like the hair loss is absolute confirmation that all of this, the whirlwind we've been living in is life now. Does that make sense?

It's undeniable now, I felt like we were about to fall into the 1990's stereotypical cancer look. Skinny, pale, ill. I talk often about that look. I don't ever mean to cause offence by it. It is something that can happen. I feel that cancer treatment has come so far in recent years that looking ill doesn't have to be the first place the mind goes. Cancer being the end, doesn't have to be the first thought. Our dietitian said something that's really stuck with us. She said ''just because cancer treatments ''might'' make you lose weight, doesn't mean you will or have to. Just because you expect to lose weight, doesn't mean you will.'' Our care has been so holistic, it's brilliant. They advised weight may be lost, food might be difficult. To help prevent that and stop it or minimise it before it happens, we've been inundated with food tips, advice, healthy yoghurt drinks and nutritional meal replacements. All tools to help avoid or work through things that bring on some the cancer stereotypes.

After an hour or so after i'd finished getting my head straight and my words in the right order I explained to Tony, as calmly as i could through tears, that in my thoughts, we had two options. We either let hair simply fall out, or we head to the barbers and we take the leap. ''If you want to take control of this and do it on your terms. Let's go get it done, i'll be right there with you.''

That's what we did.

Tony took control, he showed cancer it's on his terms.

We headed over to Tony's usual barber and got it all off. We were both nervous, but he handled it like a king!

Tony sat in the chair and had THE closest head shave possible.

A few tips from us, or things we found helpful:

If you and your partner are comfortable, go together. The person losing their hair feels supported, as the partner, it helps remove the shock to the system if you see the hair coming off. You see the transition rather than just going straight to bald.

I sat behind Tony and would catch his eye during the shave to smile at him, whisper 'i love you' 'you've got this' 'looking good handsome'. It helpped him feel supported, confident and reassured him that this will all be okay. 

It's okay for it to be a shock, for it to look or feel odd for a little while. It will settle down. You will get used to it.

If you are the patient in all of this, it's okay, this is your new look for a little while, I think you're rocking it and you look awesome! Anyone who says otherwise needs to go and have their attitude adjusted!

From Tony - 

If you're the pateint like me, just remember that you only see your new hair twice a day while you brush your teeth. You do get used to it. Look at it as simply another hairstyle for a while. I'm sure you've had a few different styles in your life, shorter, longer, colour change and so on. It's just a new look for a while. If like me, you choose to get it cut off before it falls out, hold onto that word. Choice. It's your choice and you've chosen a new look. Go own it.




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