I will be posting an update on a what to expect day to day with all of this, both from the patient's and the other person's perspectives. Before i head into writing those though there's something i feel is really important to share. Maybe someone can learn from my mistakes.
We felt reallly prepared going into surgery week, we had done lots of research on the procedure, recovery, medical terms used, what pipes ro expect post surgery, monitoring for issues or complications. I'm not taking anything away from the brilliant people who work in our NHS, or drawing a paralell between me on the good old google, and someone who had an education and career in this field. Tony and i are both very information driven and ready for pretty much anything.
I felt prepared.
I forgot one part of all of this... I approached Tony's operation clinically, I didn't approach it as the partner of someone who was about to undergo a life changing major operation.
I'm very lucky in that we have a small and very supportive circle. I've been looked after really, really well. I've been checked in on, offered help and been given shoulders to cry on.
Now that Tony's home and the anxiety seems to have dropped a little, i look back on the last 9 or so days and i've run on adrenalin and stress hormones all week. Messages of ''are you looking after yourself?'' met with a ''yes'' because at the time, i believed i was. I was taking all the steps i needed to take in order to get through the day.
The things i've faced this week, perhaps you'll need to watch out for them too:
Loss of appetite.
Night sweats.
Nightmares.
Tremors.
Twitches.
Headaches.
Irritability.
Sleeping too much and not sleeping enough.
Irreguar blood sugars (Stress affects diabetes)
Emotional outbursts.
Rapid heart rate.
Panic attacks.
Now, looking back on all of those symptoms, for want of a better word, that's anxiety, and some of those lead into a lack of self care. While you're in it, you can't see it. It's like fight or flight has kicked in, you're in auto pilot and you don't even realise.
As someone with qualifications and experience in mental health support I know ways to help those feelings, support people experiencing them. It's very different when it's happening to you.
My advice would be to set up a strong support network. Don't underestimate how difficult it can be to work through your family member having this surgery.
You might not feel like eating, please do. Even if you just snack, your body need fuel.
Try and keep a sleep routine.
Stay hydrated.
Make time for you. If your emotions are bubbling grab some fresh air, go for a walk, call a friend, run a bath. Do something just for you.
Try keeping a journal, name what you're feeling, write it down and allow it to come out of your head. You can also journal any bad dreams etc that you may have.
Keep strong mints or sweets in your pocket, they're perfect for grounding when panic sets in. I also carry small salt packets as an emergency back up to instantly ground myself.
What you are going to go through in supporting your family member will be hard. It's physically and mentally draining. It's not their fault, it's not your fault. It's a byproduct of heading into the surgery. The cancer will be out at the end of this, so even though it's hard, it's worth it,
It will be a challenge, but it's worth it in the end. From experience, negative stuff in going through this can creep up on you and leave you overwhelmed, try to catch it before it hits you.
If you need support, reach out. I'm happy to help.
Always.
Comments
Post a Comment